I don’t care how attractive you are, if your personality is ugly, you’re ugly.
Tues., December 29, 2020, 2am
It’s been a couple years since I last been on this tumblr, not that anyone is actually reading this or let alone following me lol but I guess I thought I should update where I am in my life currently compared to the last text post I had put on here.
It’s been a rough couple years since the last time I wrote there and I remember not thinking I would get out of that feeling and don’t get me wrong, sometimes I still feel like that, but for other reasons. A lot has changed since my last post in my life and me as a person has changed too. I never thought I’d acknowledge that but I have grown a lot. Things feel different and in a positive way.
At that time in my life my aunt passed away in the most tragic way and witnessing it happen really changed me. It put a lot of things into perspective in my life. After she died I had just started my first semester of university after transferring and I was miserable. I was dealing with the trauma, the change, having no one, and cruising by in my courses. I didn’t think I was going to make it and every day I was crying my fucking eyes out.
Then 2019 came and I promised myself that I would take care of myself and figure out my life. I was going to focus on school and deal with my trauma and it was the hardest thing to go through during that year. It was hard and tiring and frustrating, but my grades in school got better and I made friends and leaned on people who I trusted. Feel off with some and reconnected with someone, but it didn’t last very long.
Anyways, we’re in 2020 and at the very end. Corona virus happened and ruined the year and all the plans I had made. I graduated and on Dean’s List. I’m dating more and seeing someone, I’m working, and still working on my Driver’s License. I’ve had so many ups and downs this past year and still facing a few. One of my best friends and I fell off… it breaks my heart still, but I’m never the type to go back to things that stop serving, something I definitely learned over the last couple years. I’m still mourning our friendship, but what has happened, happened. I’m still confused about one of my friends and I’m trying to wrap my mind around the situation. What our friendship is now.
The guy I’m seeing is an old friend from middle school and so far, it’s been good. Learning more about myself through this process and what I want from a relationship. I’m learning how to enforce my boundaries and reminding myself that people are not responsible to regulate what I feel. I’m learning that my feelings valid and learning when to take ownership of my faults but also forgiving myself for them. 2020 wasn’t what I expected my year to be and I had a lot planned, but I’m still so happy that I still found growth during this year. I’m learning to better myself every years since then. My aunt’s death still hurts, but it truly put my life into perspective and I just want to keep getting better and growing and trying hard to be in a better place. I don’t wanna give up on myself just yet.
